Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
