your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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