So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
