i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
