finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
