I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
