Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
