i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
