I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
