I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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