hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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