idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
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I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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