Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
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best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
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You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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