Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
it was like eating out sand paper
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
