i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
