pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
