This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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