big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
