I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
