OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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