someone threw a dead crab at me
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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