hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize