It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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