the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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