Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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