i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
