How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
