My first STD was from a foam party
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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