In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
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"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
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You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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