Jerry, you need to find god
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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