I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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