I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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