I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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