These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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