omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
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I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
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All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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