u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
