just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
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As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You ruined the universe
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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