WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
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recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
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I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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