I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
