i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
