Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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