I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
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Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
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You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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