Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
a search helicopter?!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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