are you so shy because you have an std?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
