Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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