areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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