he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
