You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
