I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
