That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
