a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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