Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
