I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
