my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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