my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
