At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
