No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
