For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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