First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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