At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
