I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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