11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
