omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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