He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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