Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
