just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
