so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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