This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
