I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
