That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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