I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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